I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Two words: nipple clamps
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