Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
