Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
