all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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