I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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