Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
