I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
