there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
