i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
