I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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