Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
