i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
