I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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