haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
