Do you still have your period?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize