I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
