Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
