I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
