On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
