where am i from again
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
