pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
