I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just found puke in my bra..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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