Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
