i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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