Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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