He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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