Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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