just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize