I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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