you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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