i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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