i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
