I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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