Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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