Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
