How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
