Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
