tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
