hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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