Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
