Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
