I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
