I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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