Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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