she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
