Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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