Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
