I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
