It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to align my fucking chakras
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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