butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
