Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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