we made out on top of his cat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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