it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Boobs are out for the taking
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
