we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
