I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
