Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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