yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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