yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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