At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
