Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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