Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
