i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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