My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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