i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
