Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
