We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
