did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
