WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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