Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
