just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Alive.
So much puke
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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