If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
