Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
