eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
