After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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