so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
pray to the hookup gods
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
