I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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