I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
