remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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