she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
