I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
