there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
